The Ministry of Dancing On Our Own

I love the version of the song Dancing on My Own by Calum Scott. It feels deeply passionate and emotional. For me the song is a great prayer for those times in ministry where we feel beat up, over looked and worn out. I want to share the lyrics and how for me they are expressions of the Psalms – deep expressions and prayers from the heart.

Somebody said you got a new friend
Does she love you better than I can?
There’s a big black sky over my town
I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around

And yeah, I know it’s stupid
But I just gotta see it for myself
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh oh oh
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me, oh oh oh
And I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home, ooh
I keep dancing on my own

To me this song begins with the trap that many of us in ministry fall into, comparing ourselves and comparing our ministries to other churches. Often this comes from the phrase “well the church down the street is doing this…the church down the street has a 100 youth every week.”

This first verse and chorus paints the work of ministry, whether paid or volunteer, as a dance. We give so much of ourselves, we give our all – we are dancing and longing for the attention and presence of God in our work. But at times it feels that in our desperate plea to have God speak to us and give us wisdom for how to do this thing called ministry, God seems busy dancing with someone else, working in another ministry that is going great and what everyone else sees is a beautiful dance and a “growing” ministry because that is really all most people care about. So as ministry leaders we give into the temptation to compare ourselves with other ministries and we always lose, it feels that we are dancing on our own and that God is “at the church down the street” and doesn’t seem that interested to be in our church. And we pray “God, we are here, why don’t you see us and work in the same way – please ‘take us home'”

I’m just wanna dance all night
And I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line, yeah
Stilettos and broken bottles
I’m spinning around in circles
And I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me, oh
And I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home, ooh
I keep dancing on my own
And oh no

We want to be in ministry, we feel called to it, we desire to give our lives in this work because we believe it deeply matters. And yet, we are struggling, and we are hurting because God sometimes seems absent. We strive to give all of our hearts, minds, and energy to this work and perhaps we feel that we keep coming up short. We cry out “God, we are giving our all, why can’t you see us? Why are you dancing with someone else? We love the dance and want to dance with you. Why are we still dancing on our own?

So far away but still so near
The lights come up, the music dies
But you don’t see me standing here
I just came to say goodbye
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh
And I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home, ooh
I keep dancing on my own

When it seems that God is far away, we are reminded that God is here. But we still struggle and yearn to feel God near us. We have the days where we feel we have come to say goodbye to the dance, to say goodbye to this meaningful work because God seems to prefer dancing with someone else instead of us. But we keep dancing. And even when it feels that we are dancing on our own – we have the privilege of being able to voice our pains, our frustrations, our questions and our longings through song and prayer.

And when it seems we are dancing on our own, may we be reminded that God is always in the dance. When others compare our ministries to others who exhibit the qualities that a consumeritic society deems valuable, may we be reminded that God’s values are different. And in this continual dance of ministry God is there breathing life, perhaps in ways we may not recognize or see for a long time. Our theology gives us permission to lament and hurt and share these painfully honest questions and fears to God. But our theology also reminds us that God is life and breathes the Spirit into our dance. May we be quiet enough to listen and wise enough to see God’s imprints on the work we do.

I love this song and love the invitation from God to engage in this type of honest prayer. And I find healing and comfort through praying from the depths of my heart through song and I hope you can too

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Powerful Documentaries

Here a few documentaries I have seen recently that provide some powerful and engaging narratives.

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The Numbers Game

It doesn’t take long of being in the UMC to realize that we have a strong focus and obession on numbers, though, I’m confident we are not the only denomination. So here are a few reflections that I keep thinking about in this never ending debate.

On the author bio of many books we often find the number of how many church attenders said writer has in their church, especially the ones who grew it from 1 person to thousands. I hate this. Why do pastors need to brag about how big their church is? Honestly, most of us don’t care. I feel if Jesus had a bio it would probably say that his church grew smaller during his tenure because people turned away due to his really high demands and expectations. Or that a lot of people left his church, because we welcomed those that made the comfortable and affluent people nervous.

We love our numbers and they become the defining factor of all that we do. It feels that questions about the effectiveness of a ministry program are never: how are your people engaging more deeply in prayer, and scripture study; or how is authentic community being formed; how are people engaging in social activism that reflects the heart of God; how are people encountering God through communal worship; how are the sacraments shaping our ministry; how are people feeling welcome and know they can share their full lives with the leaders and one another? Instead we ask: how many people came to your ministry gathering last night? Talk about a slap in the face of the theological foundations of ministry!

One of the hardest parts about this is that our ministries and our own selves become defined and valued by how many people come. It often feels that our whole ministry and practice of ministry (meaning who we are as people and ministry practitioners) is completely defined by how many people come. It might be seen as nice that we  help people pray, and create space to ask honest questions, and show up in their life events, but at the end of the day, we become valued and defined as a person and a ministry by how many walk through the doors in our weekly gathering. It is incredibly burdensome and exhausting, because at the end of the day we can’t really control who comes or doesn’t come.

The argument for numbers is often said that each number represents a person and a story. And while that is technically true, how it feels to me is that a person and their story get reduced to a number on a sheet. And that number determines how we feel about ourselves and our ministry and how others judge and perceive our ministry.

I remember coming back from a youth mission trip and when talking about the trip with several people in the church, their immediate response was “it looked like a smaller group than last year.” No questions about any transformation that happened, no questions about meaningful encounters, joyful moments, or community being strengthened and formed more deeply, but only that it’s a smaller group. We don’t look to celebrate what did happen but get sad that the group is smaller, discounting the multiple of reasons of why the group is smaller.

To me it seems that we love to idolize numbers. They are the primary way we judge whether a ministry is good or not. It creates an enormous amount of pressure on those leading ministries. And I would not be surprised if it is a contributing factor as to why some people leave the ministry. The business world loves its numbers and it’s focus on the bottom line. But the church is supposed to be different and model a different reality and different way of being.

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Love Letters to God – Does She Read Them?

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Willimon and Trevor Noah

Today I saw these 2 videos and coupled with yesterday being World Refugee Day and working on a sermon today, my heart is overwhelmed with all that is happening in our world

 

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Reflections From Holy Saturday

I begin this post with a confession, for yearsI have seldom enjoyed the holy week and Easter time in church. It is not something I look forward to, in part because it seems every year is the same message without addressing the realities of our world. And there is definitely an element to me that feels very inauthentic among everyone who shows up. And yet, this year I felt something I have never felt before during this season. I have been reading  Walter Brueggemann’s devotions for Lent titled A Way Other Than Our Own. His reflection on Holy Saturday (the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday) was striking to me.

He begins with devotion with these words:
“Nobody knew how long Saturday would last. Nobody knew if Saturday would ever end. So  it is now as well. Nobody knows how long Saturday will last or if it will ever end. Saturday is that in-between day of stillness and doubt and despair when time stands still in lethal flatness. The old Saturday was about abandonment and disappointment at the far edge of the crucifixion. And then came all the Saturdays of fear and abusiveness, of the crusades and the ovens and genocides in too many places. And then came our particular Saturdays of Katina and 9/11 and economic collapse, Saturdays of overwhelming failure with no adequate resources.”

We seldom talk about the Saturday during Holy Week. The day where Jesus remains dead. I remember walking around this past Saturday and being overwhelmed with what has been happening in the world: chemical weapons were used on Syrians, our country launched 59 missiles on Syria, the threats from both sides in regards to North Korea, and the US dropping a 21,000 bomb that cost millions of dollars to make and then seeing people celebrate the use of bombs and violence to kill others. It was a heavy week and a very long Saturday (to use the words of Brueggemann). With all that was happening, with the fear and threats of more violence, here I was walking on this Holy Saturday remembering that this is a day we remember that Christ is not alive. It was truly frightening. It the midst of all that is happening in our world and in our country to walk around knowing that on this day in the Christian calendar we remember that the one who rejected violence, called us to be peace makers, who was God incarnate and taught us to serve all people and love our enemies (not bomb them) is dead.

It was terrifying to think of facing such issues without the presence of God in our midst. As Easter come it was quite a comfort to know that Jesus is now alive and meets with his followers, and proceeds to invite us to not accept the world as it is but to join in the continual work of God so that hopefully one day we do not have to mourn about the devastating affects of violence, but celebrate God’s shalom as all people live in peace and well-being.

Our Easter experience is robbed if we don’t acknowledge the reality of our current world and remember that the resurrection invites us to a passionate response of kingdom living. To end with Brueggemann’s devotion on Easter Day “Imagine you and I, today, are a part of the Easter movement of civil disobedience that contradicts the empire. Let’s see what happens. Let’s see if life is longer than death. Some will never move and will keep trusting in the empire. But we know this much: we have been breathed on. We have been addressed. To us he said, ‘Peace be with you.’ He said it three times, and then he charged us with forgiveness. We are on the receiving end of his offer of life…Praise God!”

 

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We Cannot Be Silent

This video was shared me with yesterday from Sojourners. A reminder that the church cannot be silent.

And since the new administrations has said the DAPL should continue. Here is a moving prayer from Sojourners.

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